Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
