I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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