Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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