i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
