girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
