I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
