I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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