Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
