she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
