It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
