i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
