Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
