First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
