his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
