Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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