We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
