I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
