turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
