i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
