yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
