is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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