We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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