so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
