The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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