i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
