that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i now understand why vodka
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
