I need help removing her.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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