I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize