she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
