True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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