I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
