Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
