I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
