hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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