Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize