I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
