And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize