I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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