so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
