Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
