i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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