What a fucking waste of an outfit
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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