At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
