Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
