When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
