my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
