the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You may now shotgun with the bride
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
