I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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