Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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