My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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