I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
