it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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