i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize