You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I need a beard to bite.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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