dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize