Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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