I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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