I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
