did you get engaged???
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
