dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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