everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize