My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
