I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
