Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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