I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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