mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
