i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
