He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
