we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
